Antsy

It's basically 5:30AM and I'm wide awake. I went to bed last night at 10:30 (talked to grandma for a bit--free minutes and all that is real! lol) and then for an hour I tossed and turned. My soul is restless. I know it is. My future essentially rests in the hands of people who really could give a GD about me and that leaves me wary. I keep waiting on word for RJC and I keep wondering what iUniverse is going to say about my book and I keep procrastinating on sending BP to Genesis Press because one it's godforsaken cold here in Boston and I've no car, and two I don't know if I should even bother. I have gotten advice saying I should, but God forbid I pull an Alanis: "Good advice you just can't take."

I have gotten in contact with wonderful people online, people who believe in my talent. To them I say thank you SO much. They give me suggestions of publishers (mostly e-publishers) and while I am so grateful I struggle with are those really good fits for any of my work. A lot of e-pubs go for erotica, and as someone whose first and last kiss was almost six years ago and has NEVER had sex, I feel pretty silly and odd (and my grandma and great aunt might want to read it!) to be very explicit. Also, there isn't a lot of "making love" in my stories either. Maybe if I was an older woman I wouldn't be so shy about it, but I had to learn about "baby making" through my friends, encyclopedias, and Cinemax After Dark! lol This isn't to say I don't enjoy erotica. I can read along with the best of them, but for me I prefer intimacy over the actual act any day. CAD gets me hotter than porn, and some erotica gets me hotter than visual stimulation. I'm sure other women feel that way too hence the flourishing erotica e-publishing niches everywhere.

I don't know. There are a few e-pubs I may try, though some of them don't want simultaneous submissions, so that only leaves MT. If TF was even close to ready I'd try to shop that, too, but even so far eight-ten chapters there's still been no sex--explicit or otherwise. And TB isn't even a romance. It's interracial fiction and it's kicking my booty hard! lol

I don't know. I have to think and hurry up and wait. For someone born in May who was due in July . . . I don't do that "waiting" thing very well lol. I'm learning, though. It's insane I have three novels done without a book to show for it however (well, if all goes well, I'll have one book to show for it at least)! I know I'm lucky and blessed however. I know I'm supposed to be a writer, and God willing I'll be a successful one. I don't see myself as being anything else . . . except maybe a backup singer. I think that gig would be hella cool, too! :-P