Identity Crisis?

I need to preface this by saying I understand that not every reader will enjoy every book I write; however, I went onto Amazon and responded to a reader who appeared to take issue that my writing is all over the place, and that two different writers wrote BEING PLUMVILLE and TROLLING NIGHTS--the latter of which received 2/5 stars by a reviewer who also gave BEING PLUMVILLE a stellar review. I responded to the accusation by accepting the charges, so to speak. I DO write differently depending on how the characters come to me--I don't really have a "method" so to speak, other than listening to my characters and following where they want to go--because believe me, trying to do differently does not end well! On the other hand, I know there is a certain amount of risk implementing that writing style, one that will earn me the two not-so-great reviews I receieved. I am disappointed I could not provide these readers a product they could enjoy, and I probably broke some cardinal rule trying to "defend" my characters to them. And yet even as I did so, I was not very surprised by some of the objections, and more upset with myself I couldn't/didn't convey what I was trying to convey through these characters...or wondering if I DID convey what I was trying to convey, and the readers didn't like it. I don't know. This is yet another chapter of my ongoing dilemma--what the devil am I writing?! It's apparently not romance; I don't think it's commercial fiction. The only thing I know I am writing are love stories--at least I'm trying to do so. And I do not want to dismiss those who do enjoy what I write. Know my market. One day I'll figure out what that market is, because I can assure you my characters certainly do not care about it! They just want their stories told, and they chose me to do it.

To whom am I accountable? The market, or them?

Agent/Publisher Search

One of the hardest things for an "up-and-coming" author to do is choose which manuscript they think will be "the one" to get them at least a partial read, better a full request, and ultimately a contract. I have self-published four books and had an e-publisher for the fifth work, but even still, I know I have an uphill climb to go. I have five other manuscripts that I could shop (and even some people have said why not shop the novels you've already self-published?) but that's a tricky thing, isn't it? Nevertheless, I have NO idea which to shop. At least one that I'm considering has been to the second-ring of acceptance (the partial) but was ultimately passed over by an agent. One has a full request, which is a yay! , but I guess that means I can't submit that to an agent (although to be fair, that one is with a publisher also).Ironically, that manuscript has also been rejected by another publisher (but that publisher had also requested a full manuscript...hmm, I may have my answer!). Then again, this very same manuscript got rejected in full by another publisher (but they demand unsolicited queries to include the full MS, so it wasn't "requested" per se).

I then have two more manuscripts that I haven't really sent out yet, but I don't know how to label them. I think they both might be women's fiction, but I am not sure. The advice from authors is to just submit your strongest work, but the agents/editors want you to tell them what kind. One very nice lit agent said that my submission for RJC wasn't romance, but rather women's fiction. I can see what she meant by that, but for me, I am telling a love story. All of my stories are love stories...but they don't call IF BEALE STREET COULD TALK a romance even though Fonny is one of my favorite "heroes" ever. I don't know. It's like divining the future. The other complication is I'm actually doing very well with my self-publishing. . From all the articles I've read about "average" self-publishing sales, I'm doing twice as good--three times as good as those averages. Maybe the rules are different for AA writers? Word of mouth is huge, and I have a lovely crew of readers who do like to talk! And I don't know. I'm being pulled in several directions, but I don't want to "give up" and be content with the self-publishing. I'll just put my stuff out there and hope an agent likes it, I reckon. At the very least I know readers do!

I Need to Know

What is it about my writing that makes people not want to either represent me or publish me? I've just gotten rejected by two agents and and a publisher for The Beauty Within and Trust Fall respectively. I'm very confused. I know I write IR, which already makes folks nervous, but other than that, I'm genuinely at a loss. Are my stories not fluffy enough? But then there's AJ's Serendipity, and the reviews on Amazon haven't been as positive as they were for Being Plumville, which I'm okay with, but I'm baffled nonetheless. I don't know even if I DID know what was wrong if anything about my writing will change, mainly because I write what the characters tell me to write lol. However, I know publishing is a business, and I would like to bet published on someone else's coin, so I need to know exactly what that golden market is in the eyes of agents/publishers. I'll have to say, I'm further confused because the majority of the people who have read my books are, gratefully, appreciative of my work and want to know when the next book is coming out *waves at the Emma Award nomination*! It's hard to tell them that I don't know, and harder still to explain I really have no control over the matter. The audience I have loves my stuff; the gatekeepers of the industry are (mostly) polite when they close the gates in my face. And then there are those other authors who are published, and I think that I, at the very least, have the same amount of talent as they do. That's the one bad thing about rejections other than the rejection itself--oftentimes it doesn't tell you why--just that it's not fit for publication/representation. That does not help me get better or tweak my product so that it will be. And when someone asks you for the full manuscript and then tells you thanks but no thanks is just really, really hard.

At some point, you just really, really want an answer to go your way. And yes, I'm speaking more than just publishing right now. It's just been an '08 full of "No" both personally and professionally. In my case, writing is both personal and professional, and I'm sure it's like that for other authors as well. But for me, I started writing to deal with some things, and I'm still dealing, but to have my writing rejected and me myself rejected, it's like a double-whammy and I'm still trying to learn how to make sure I bounce back up from each slap down, even if it takes longer to do so. I just need to make sure I get up. And now poor Vietnam Story is starting to languish because I'm not getting up fast enough, and the readers who are kind enough to stick with me on the google group--I could call them out by name lol--I appreciate the patience. It really only takes one really nice e-mail to keep you above the waterline sometimes.

The scary thing is, I have no idea what else I can do. I know this is a hard industry, and very few people make it, but I know of nothing else I can do. Well, editing, but that doesn't fill me with the same drive and passion as writing. I wake up and I think about it, and I go to bed and I think about it. I proofread and I see stories in some of the projects I proof *looks at Vietnam Story* and my office is full of former publishers, screenwriters, nonfiction writers, etc. It's an amazing place, but if I could be at home writing and getting paid for it, that would be fantastic.

This is a dump of a post, I know. I'm trying not to slip into that space of no writing, and it's hard, so I guess it's better to get it out here instead of to let it fester. I know I'm a good writer. I just wish I knew how to convince other people I am, too! lol

Trust Fall Synopsis

Much easier to write longhand than on the computer.

Finished

After two and a half years, I finally completed Trust Fall today. Luckily, I'd already started going through proofing (now I have to go over the last two parts I finished writing), and then I'm going to start submitting to publishers. What did I do to celebrate the feat? Take a nap! lol

Overwhelmed (in less than a good way)

Yes. My book is out in the universe thanks to iUniverse.

Now I feel at a lost, stumped, and downright mentally exhausted. All I keep hearing now from my family is "what's the plan?"

I know I need a marketing plan. I really do; I'm not so naive not to know that. However, I couldn't even begin to know where to start. Outside of my (apparently hit-or-miss) web site, my blog and my google group, as well as telling all of my friends via e-mail, facebook, IM, and the various other messageboards I'm on, I pretty much was relying on word-of-mouth to help me along. I am not a planner. I am a writer. I understood when I first decided to thumb my nose at NY establishment that I would have to bear the brunt of everything, but as someone who works, is working on way too many other novels, and is just so god-awfully shy, I'm feeling daunted, quite frankly. I do not think of my writing as a hobby at all, but I'd like one minute for me to catch my breath before I go hawking my book to people who don't know me, probably don't care to know me, and, in light of the present racial culture out there, would probably think my novel is the Black Plague, Small Pox, and the Bird Flu all rolled into one. Added to that, I've only gotten two reviews on my book (outside of people who know me personally telling me what they think of it.) That review on B&N is looking awfully lonely, and Amazon has nothing up. Be careful what you wish for, Sav. I know, I know, but I have no idea how many books I've sold outside what iUniverse is telling me, which is a grand total of one actual book and seven e-books. I KNOW I've sold more than that because my friend just texted and said she got a book, as well as two people from TST telling me they just purchased it. I sent it off to Writer's Digest Self-Published Book Awards, so hopefully I'll get good news from that, and in general, I feel very lost, flopping around; a grounded bird. Yes, I've been busy at work, but the inspiration to write other things is gone. I have VS and GS and TF (poor, poor, neglected TB) but nothing is flowing. I need time to unwind, but I need a marketing plan.

Did I mention I don't have one? I thought I should again.

I have a new appreciation for professional writers now. I just do. Much props.

Trust Fall

From the looks of things, Trust Fall is either going to be a novella or a barely novel. It's winding down to an end; I just don't think it's going to be as long as the other novels I have written/am writing. To be fair, this story started off as a one-shot, a little plot bunny I needed to expel to make room for thesis and BP. I hadn't expected it to blossom into a more in-depth story. It was really nothing more than a procrastination device. However, I am still working on it, though it's going on two years in June. This would be one of the stories I could definitely see myself e-publishing, however, because it's perfect for that word count range. Of course I'll have to get betas, etc, but maybe I'll become more . . . frisky with the writing in this one. I'm not sure.

Anyway, I'm glad I've finally decided to not kill myself by turning this into a full-length novel. I should just stop fighting what the characters are doing and admit this won't be as long. Maybe it'll even get published in print form one day. *shrugs*